Dating Site Dictionary

“My best quality is my personality” = “Hopefully you find me witty and charming because I’m terrible in bed”

“All I need is two turn tables and a microphone” = Beck is on OkCupid

“I recently just started skateboarding again and realize despite my age I still got skills” = That’s not a skateboard, it’s a walker.

“I thankfully have Blue Cross, God forbid I get hurt and need to use it” = Neurotic sado-masichist

“I’m very laid back, lots of patients” = “You lie back while I play doctor”

“I have no specific skills, but, I can do a few bad yo-yo tricks, and I can touch my nose with my tongue. I know 1 magic trick” = Confused JDate with the application for Ringling Bros.

“I consider myself to be a fairly honest and truthful person” = “I said ‘fairly’ which gets me off the hook for everything moving forward”

“I’m a fairly straight guy” = “I said ‘fairly’ which gets me off the hook for everything moving forward”

“That’s the best way to some myself up” = Failed math and English

“California is God’s Own Country” = Failed geography

“Plus I’m an awesome speller” = Doesn’t want to end up on datingsitedictionary.com

37-year-old man, seeking women 18-35 = 37-year- old man, seeking 18 year-olds

“My type of woman will be my Bonnie to my Clyde” = Possessive

“I use my multiple identities to my advantage, especially when getting preferential seating at restaurants” = “I already have a credit card with your name on it, which I will use to pay for our date”

“We are equally comfortable mingling with different sets of friends and joining up at the end of an evening” = “Throw your keys in the bowl and I’ll see you later!”

“Dont know where to start, but here it goes: Im single and looking” = . . .  for some apostrophes

“I have found it difficult to know grown up women. This may be the right place to do so” = Got kicked off of MySpace for posing as a 16-year-old

“Hoping to meet Ms. Right” = Not looking for Mrs. Right

“What’s in it for you??? If you are my match I will challenge and surprise you on a regular basis” = Not in sales

“I just don’t think I have to pound my chest to get my point across” = Rebellious chimp

Last Read: “The Bible… I went to church this Sunday” = “Coveted my neighbor’s wife Saturday night”

“I live a clean life and drink very seldom. My best friends are usually a little wilder than me” = 40-year-old virgin, signed up for online dating in answer to a dare from “wild” friends