Dating Site Dictionary: Night 13
“I have a high energy level at the moment and I tend to only read for pleasure before going to sleep” = “The articles in Playboy help me sleep”
“First to die when the alien invasion, drug cartel, and/or ghosts/ghost drug cartels arrive” = “My therapist is away and my prescription ran out”
“My undies are always clean thanks to TIDE (fabreze sport version)” = *Sponsored dating profile
“I like contact, giving a massage is one of my favorite thing to do” = Also has an ad in the back of the LA Weekly
“I love kids – well behaved ones…lol I am a Christian” = Christians only love well-behaved kids, haha
“I’m as honest as you can expect a man to be in a world where it’s going out of style” = “Lying is cool”
“I follow Jesus. I am not, however, religious” = Follows Jesus on Twitter
“Please don’t let my appearance intimidate you” = His picture also appears here
“Even things my parrot says are insightful” = Dumber than a parrot
“My personality is so magnetic I can’t carry credit cards” = “My magnetic personality doesn’t pay for dinner”
“I am an actor and do computer consulting on the side” = Dyslexic computer consultant who waits tables on the side
“Certain things I say are gonna make your head twist around like an animal when it hears a strange noise” = This is called a disclaimer
“You can never have enough friends, that have jobs, are sane, caring and like Vegas….” = “Looking for stable women to support my gambling addiction”
“I hang out by the monkey bars” = Registered sex offender
“The way you know a really good Thai dish is prepared well is if it’s sweet, spicy, sour, and salty. And that’s how I like my women. Lots of different textures and flavors make a woman a lot more interesting” = Cannibalistic tendencies
“I collect bottles and cans” = As revealed on Monday, Beck is on OkCupid
“I am actually “kind of” smart” = “Smart enough to know I’m not ‘that’ smart”
“I respond well to positive reinforcement” = Fortune cookie say: Needs encouragement. . . in bed.
“Just looking for someone too share some time with who enjoys the things I do going out too dinners watch t.v. go too movies or whatever I am a very compassionate person who really loves too please a woman in all ways” = This sentence is “too” long
“Sometimes I’ll be out with my friends and ditch them at 11:30pm just so i can get to Poncho Villa for a burrito before it closes…priorities!!!!!!! = Don’t be surprised if he leaves you for a burrito
