Dating Site Dictionary

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Dating Site Dictionary: Night 15

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Tip of Today (there won’t be one every day): there are a lot of men using pictures of Pierce Brosnan among their online dating profile pictures.

I assure you, none of these was written by Pierce Brosnan:

“Yadda yadda yadda wocka wocka wocka” = “‘I love you”

“The only current missing piece is a vacant spot on my arm” = “As soon as I can get this ring off my finger and this wife off my arm, I’ll call you.”

“I have yet to be on America’s Most Wanted” = “. . . so, when I yell ‘DRIVE!’ you get us the f@ck out of here!”

“If I were on Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, Henrietta would take one look at me and say, ‘Meow, meow if I weren’t a hand puppet, I’d hit it, meow.’” = Crafting the perfect dating profile can sometimes trigger an acid flashback

“Helped invent GPS guided bombing” = “Don’t break up with me, or else. . . “

“I like to make up stupid lyrics to well known songs” = Weird Al is on JDate

“My friends all say that I never give girls a chance and that I am too picky. I don’t feel that there is such a thing as too picky” = “You don’t stand a chance”

“Will try anything once” = “Bring a friend. I swear it’s the first time I’m doing this”

“Raised Catholic, but have learned to distrust organized religion.” = Raised Catholic

“I can be lazy, but I really don’t want to be lazy” = Really fucking lazy

“I want to be an actor/writer. I have never done any drugs.” = The difference between “wanting” and becoming is drugs

“I’m a sometimes college professor” = Higher standards in education desperately needed

“The problem with me is that I’m not your typical LA Duche” = “I’m the one that’s missing the O”

“im down to earth, iv got a sence of humor, im funn to be around, i love going out n partying when i can, i have my own landscape design bussnies that keeps me busy” = “im assking u owt”

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