Dating Site Dictionary

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Posts Tagged ‘Psychology

Dating Site Dictionary: Night 13

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“I have a high energy level at the moment and I tend to only read for pleasure before going to sleep” = “The articles in Playboy help me sleep”

“First to die when the alien invasion, drug cartel, and/or ghosts/ghost drug cartels arrive” = “My therapist is away and my prescription ran out”

“My undies are always clean thanks to TIDE (fabreze sport version)” = *Sponsored dating profile

“I like contact, giving a massage is one of my favorite thing to do” = Also has an ad in the back of the LA Weekly

“I love kids – well behaved ones…lol I am a Christian” = Christians only love well-behaved kids, haha

“I’m as honest as you can expect a man to be in a world where it’s going out of style” = “Lying is cool”

“I follow Jesus. I am not, however, religious” = Follows Jesus on Twitter

“Please don’t let my appearance intimidate you” = His picture also appears here

“Even things my parrot says are insightful” = Dumber than a parrot

“My personality is so magnetic I can’t carry credit cards” = “My magnetic personality doesn’t pay for dinner”

“I am an actor and do computer consulting on the side” = Dyslexic computer consultant who waits tables on the side

“Certain things I say are gonna make your head twist around like an animal when it hears a strange noise” = This is called a disclaimer

“You can never have enough friends, that have jobs, are sane, caring and like Vegas….” = “Looking for stable women to support my gambling addiction”

“I hang out by the monkey bars” = Registered sex offender

“The way you know a really good Thai dish is prepared well is if it’s sweet, spicy, sour, and salty. And that’s how I like my women. Lots of different textures and flavors make a woman a lot more interesting” = Cannibalistic tendencies

“I collect bottles and cans” = As revealed on Monday, Beck is on OkCupid

“I am actually “kind of” smart” = “Smart enough to know I’m not ‘that’ smart”

“I respond well to positive reinforcement” = Fortune cookie say: Needs encouragement. . .  in bed.

“Just looking for someone too share some time with who enjoys the things I do going out too dinners watch t.v. go too movies or whatever I am a very compassionate person who really loves too please a woman in all ways” = This sentence is “too” long

“Sometimes I’ll be out with my friends and ditch them at 11:30pm just so i can get to Poncho Villa for a burrito before it closes…priorities!!!!!!! = Don’t be surprised if he leaves you for a burrito

Dating Site Dictionary: Night 10

with one comment


“I want someone that thinks I am the greatest thing on Earth” = Beware of Oedipus complex

Sports & Exercise: “Other types of exercise” + Exercise Habits: “1-2x/week” = Part-time lover

“What little free time I do have I spend sitting and staring forward, watching horror films, drinking, crying, and eating cheese” = Too busy to date. . . thankfully!

“I prefer to live my life in a fantasy world” = “Meet me in Second Life

Answer to question #11:  “Wow, there sure are a lot of questions on this thing!” =  “I have the attention span for 2 dates”

“I like to browse psych books and learn about my mind. I’m kind of scattered” = Academic schizophrenic

Last read: “How to be an Adult in Relationships. I’m still reading it” = “You started it!!”

“I have played with numerous bands playing a wide variety of styles, and that has brought me all kinds of opportunities and allowed me to meet a ton of great people” = “Groupies never get old”

“I love learning” = “I’ll learn from you and marry the next woman”

“Sometimes I feel like a ping-pong ball, if you put me in front of a room I’ll make people laugh!” = “Did you hear the one about the ping pong ball that sometimes stands in front of a room and makes people laugh?”

“Dancing will be great although I don’t want to go with some ugly doll” = Pinocchio standing up to Geppetto before Prom

“I like to chirp like a canary” = Safe sex takes on new meaning

“I am outgoing and very spontaneou” = Has difficulty completing things

Dating Site Dictionary: Night 4

with 2 comments


Before you “wink”, “click”, or “favorite” – make sure you know what those online dating profiles are really trying to tell you:

“There’s a squirrel who lives in the trees in my backyard who sounds a lot like a chicken.” =  The voices in my head sound a lot like God

“I am in the studio most nights, but love to sneak away” = Married

Lists “The hole in the wall restaurant with its undercover delicacies” among “Favorite Hot Spots” = Doesn’t mind cockroaches and rodents

“People that I like to be friends with are people who are their own friends ” = Seeking schizophrenics

“At least I have my damn shirt and pants on!!” = Bitter nudist or overworked porn star

“No worries, there are plenty of stain removers on the market.” = Overworked porn star

“There’s always a wet canvas in my house.” = Overworked porn star

“Don’t be surprised if I bust out a magic trick that’s makes you wonder how in the hell that just happened!!” = I’ll tell you I love you and then rob you while you sleep

“Don’t let the fact that I work with numbers by day lure you into thinking I am completely analytical and dull.” =  I’ve been thinking about this for 276 minutes and the odds of you not falling asleep when I’m talking are not in my favor. In fact, given the ratio of. . .  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“Nothing could be further from the truth.” =  Pathological liar

“After all, none of us makes it out alive!” = Suicide bomber

Want Kids: Definitely = Wants Sex: Definitely

“I seek mental stimulation (as well as physical).” = Spends all day thinking about S&M

“To enjoy this ride, you must have a intellectual age of at least 25. Your body doesn’t need to be that old, of course!” = Looking for an 18 year-old who reads Vanity Fair

“I’m hardly done sampling!” =  Has frequent one-night-stands

“I always seem to want what I can’t have” = Will cheat on you often

“I’m always walking around with a sketchbook in my backpack” = Lives on the Venice boardwalk

“There are rules to be followed when you play with me.” = Rule #1: bondage & discipline required nightly

“I’m looking for a shared experience that is exempt from expectations” = Looking for a one-night stand

“I like dive bars and all the flavor that comes with them.” = Miller Beer and onion rings for dinner

“I’m still in training” = Excuse for being an asshole

“I am not looking for money or just beauty” = Looking for money AND beauty

Income: I’ll Tell You Later= Unemployed

“I’m a simple man with simple needs” =  Let’s skip dating and have sex

“I’m too complex to explain… “ = So, let’s just have sex

“If you think you’re going to figure me out, think again” = Definitely think again!

“I consider myself an aspiring artist” = Please select a restaurant located near a bus stop, and be prepared to pay for dinner

“To know me is to meet me” = not familiar with the expression “putting the cart before the horse”

“In great shape and very loving” = “Mirror, mirror on the ceiling. . . who do you find most appealing?”

“Might have transcended formal education in early grade school” = Elementary school drop-out

“I like thunderstorms more than car horns” = I do not live in LA

“I believe a relationship is about carrying each other when you are too weak to carry your own physical and mental weight.” = Looking for my mother

“I have not dated many women in my life. I can count on one hand those women.” = I use that hand often

Written by Colette

December 13, 2010 at 5:01 pm

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