Posts Tagged ‘Truth’
Dating Site Dictionary: Night 13
“I have a high energy level at the moment and I tend to only read for pleasure before going to sleep” = “The articles in Playboy help me sleep”
“First to die when the alien invasion, drug cartel, and/or ghosts/ghost drug cartels arrive” = “My therapist is away and my prescription ran out”
“My undies are always clean thanks to TIDE (fabreze sport version)” = *Sponsored dating profile
“I like contact, giving a massage is one of my favorite thing to do” = Also has an ad in the back of the LA Weekly
“I love kids – well behaved ones…lol I am a Christian” = Christians only love well-behaved kids, haha
“I’m as honest as you can expect a man to be in a world where it’s going out of style” = “Lying is cool”
“I follow Jesus. I am not, however, religious” = Follows Jesus on Twitter
“Please don’t let my appearance intimidate you” = His picture also appears here
“Even things my parrot says are insightful” = Dumber than a parrot
“My personality is so magnetic I can’t carry credit cards” = “My magnetic personality doesn’t pay for dinner”
“I am an actor and do computer consulting on the side” = Dyslexic computer consultant who waits tables on the side
“Certain things I say are gonna make your head twist around like an animal when it hears a strange noise” = This is called a disclaimer
“You can never have enough friends, that have jobs, are sane, caring and like Vegas….” = “Looking for stable women to support my gambling addiction”
“I hang out by the monkey bars” = Registered sex offender
“The way you know a really good Thai dish is prepared well is if it’s sweet, spicy, sour, and salty. And that’s how I like my women. Lots of different textures and flavors make a woman a lot more interesting” = Cannibalistic tendencies
“I collect bottles and cans” = As revealed on Monday, Beck is on OkCupid
“I am actually “kind of” smart” = “Smart enough to know I’m not ‘that’ smart”
“I respond well to positive reinforcement” = Fortune cookie say: Needs encouragement. . . in bed.
“Just looking for someone too share some time with who enjoys the things I do going out too dinners watch t.v. go too movies or whatever I am a very compassionate person who really loves too please a woman in all ways” = This sentence is “too” long
“Sometimes I’ll be out with my friends and ditch them at 11:30pm just so i can get to Poncho Villa for a burrito before it closes…priorities!!!!!!! = Don’t be surprised if he leaves you for a burrito
Dating Site Dictionary: Night 12
“I would say that I don’t lie, which in itself would be a lie but I sincerely work hard at being honorable” = Sincere, honorable, compulsive liar
“I’ll be succinct” + 6 paragraph profile = Short story long
“Even when we can’t make love anymore and all we could do is play bingo” = Still looking for that G
“I want someone who “Compliments” me” = We’ll complement each other well, as long as you tell me I’m “Amazing”
“Did I mention that I was sexy?…(lol)” = No, but you’re forgetful and funny
“I’m looking for a partner in crime. Someone I can count on to be there when I fall. To help me get up, brush me off and push me to do it again” = Be prepared to bail me out of jail. . . multiple times.
“I work in the music biz, support behind the scenes” = drug runner
“I still love my wife” = Married But Playing
“I like shopping for groceries at the mall” = Corn dogs and flat soda for lunch
“I came here to pick my woman” = “I like shopping for women on JDate”
“I have been amused, charmed, and had a few laughs at some of the profiles here” = Reads DatingSiteDictionary.com
“The attraction barometer is what it’s all about” = The Attraction Barometer – soon to be a top-seller at SkyMall
“I don’t have the buttocks exposing work guy pants however” = Plumber envy
“I forgot more than most men know” = This can’t be a good thing
“When my mother died, I quit working to take care of her” = Takes the saying “better late than never” too literally
“I work for an advertizing agency” = “This is one of my best campaigns: 15 Best Things About Our Pubic Schools“
Dating Site Dictionary: Night 11
“My best quality is my personality” = “Hopefully you find me witty and charming because I’m terrible in bed”
“All I need is two turn tables and a microphone” = Beck is on OkCupid
“I recently just started skateboarding again and realize despite my age I still got skills” = That’s not a skateboard, it’s a walker.
“I thankfully have Blue Cross, God forbid I get hurt and need to use it” = Neurotic sado-masichist
“I’m very laid back, lots of patients” = “You lie back while I play doctor”
“I have no specific skills, but, I can do a few bad yo-yo tricks, and I can touch my nose with my tongue. I know 1 magic trick” = Confused JDate with the application for Ringling Bros.
“I consider myself to be a fairly honest and truthful person” = “I said ‘fairly’ which gets me off the hook for everything moving forward”
“I’m a fairly straight guy” = “I said ‘fairly’ which gets me off the hook for everything moving forward”
“That’s the best way to some myself up” = Failed math and English
“California is God’s Own Country” = Failed geography
“Plus I’m an awesome speller” = Doesn’t want to end up on datingsitedictionary.com
37-year-old man, seeking women 18-35 = 37-year- old man, seeking 18 year-olds
“My type of woman will be my Bonnie to my Clyde” = Possessive
“I use my multiple identities to my advantage, especially when getting preferential seating at restaurants” = “I already have a credit card with your name on it, which I will use to pay for our date”
“We are equally comfortable mingling with different sets of friends and joining up at the end of an evening” = “Throw your keys in the bowl and I’ll see you later!”
“Dont know where to start, but here it goes: Im single and looking” = . . . for some apostrophes
“I have found it difficult to know grown up women. This may be the right place to do so” = Got kicked off of MySpace for posing as a 16-year-old
“Hoping to meet Ms. Right” = Not looking for Mrs. Right
“What’s in it for you??? If you are my match I will challenge and surprise you on a regular basis” = Not in sales
“I just don’t think I have to pound my chest to get my point across” = Rebellious chimp
Last Read: “The Bible… I went to church this Sunday” = “Coveted my neighbor’s wife Saturday night”
“I live a clean life and drink very seldom. My best friends are usually a little wilder than me” = 40-year-old virgin, signed up for online dating in answer to a dare from “wild” friends
